So I have 3 brothers. 1 of them is an amazing 26 year old. He really is amazing. Sure he is opiniated and we dont always agree. But he is such a good hearted person.
And he alsways gets screwed over!! He is the kinda guy that will do anything for a girl. ANYTHING. He will forgive a girl for anything. He will work 12 hour days 7 days a week for a baby that's not even his. He will trust a girl regardless of her slorish antics.
Maybe that's why he always finishes last...
He finds these girls who see his caring and generosity as a weakness they can prowl on. A way to get what they need and split. They can see he is a little insecure when it comes to girls. They know they can take advantage of him.
But maybe its something else. Maybe its because he has seen bad relationships in his life. Maybe its because of all the slores in his past. Maybe its because of something even bigger..
Maybe he is running down a bad path. Running away from what he has always known. Maybe he is losing hope and it is getting too uncontrolable.
We used to attend church every weekend as kids. He stopped going in like 4th grade. I never really asked him about it. But slowly I began to see that he lost faith. He no longer believes in God. Maybe that darkness is making him sad. Making him settle for people who are not good for him. Making him not see the light in his future. That would be hard.
Im lucky not to have strayed from my father. Ive been down a bumpy road myself. With lots of paths leading to darkness. I think it was my faith.. my little light inside.. that kept me on the right path. I guess his light burnt out and... he chose a bad path.
What is a sister to do? I can only beg him to go back to church. I can only tell him that Jesus wants you to cast all that trouble on him. God is there for you to talk to when you feel that loneliness. He looks at me like I am crazy. Like I talk to the air. He really has lost his little light. And that makes me beyond sad. I guess I can pray about it.. not much else I can do.
4 comments:
I admire your faith! Have I told you that before? I believe in God. Really I do. I see myself as a Catholic and I truly believe everything that the Catholic church teaches. BUT for the last 5 years I have strayed away from church. I used to be so involved in it as a kid and as a teen (especially as a teen) and all of this was MY choice. My parents baptized us and that was it. They didn't attend church regularly. We would go a few times... but they did allow my grandparents to take us. I never understood it as a child (mostly because it was in spanish and it bored me). But once I got older and hit my teen years I started to learn more. Again my parents never forced us to go. After I made my confirmation I kept on going and volunteered for 4 years with the youth group. I made the best friends in that group. And they were there for me throughout my pregnancy with Diego and never judged me for it. After I left the youth group, for personal reasons, I felt empty.
Jr is baptized Christian. But only because he was bored one day (when he was 16) and decided to have himself baptized. But really he isn't religious at all. His whole family is Catholic. Or at least that's what they believe (none actually go to church either but they all send their kids to Catholic school) And above all he HATES church. Everything about it. But I listen to his views and still have my own. I have never forced my views on him. And we agree on that. I am definitely okay with it. He believes in God and that's all that matters to me.
So at one point maybe 4 years ago we decided to give the Catholic church a try again. I figured it would be the some since I only took a year off. My church had changed. BIg time. We always felt out of place. We always felt judged. After all we were 19 and 21 and had 2 kids one of which wasn't his biologically. But we tried to put aside and still go. Jr was onboard for me. He knew how important it was for me to take my 2 kids (who we baptized Catholic) to church and have God in their lives. And although he didn't agree with the church he did this for me. He tried to learn and be open for me. But it was so discouraging being in that church. The church I've gone to since I was 6 years old.
Then we decided we wanted to get married in the Catholic church. Again Jr knew how important this was to me. And we started attending the marriage classes. We knew it would be a sacrifice. But we were ready. And again we felt alienated. The Deacon always made us feel uncomfortable questioning whether we were ready for marriage so young, with 2 kids, and 1 being not biologically his. I got so frustrated that this was always an issue. I'd been to confession. I know I had sinned. But I was forgiven and I know that's why I was blessed with Jr. So why should it matter to anyone else if they didn't think it was the right decision. So we ended up dropping out. Jr tried to convince me to go through with it... but at that point I had completely lost my faith in my church. And to this day... I haven't been back to church. I decided to get married outside of the church, my way, with everyone that supported us no matter what. I even got to write most of my ceremony and include vows from Jr (Jr's idea) to both of our children that he promised to love and protect not only me but them as well. And in that moment I felt that the church wedding would have never given me that peace in that moment of knowing that yes we're different and yes we've made mistakes... but we deserve just as much as everyone else.
I am sad now that my children don't even know who God is. Diego sometimes asks me about God or Jesus but when I try to explain he doesn't even comprehend any of what I tell him. He's at the age I was when I started going to church and attending Catechism classes weekly. I've though about it more and more and would love to find a church that would work for us. I know for us, Jr would even attend. But every one we've tried doesn't seem like a good fit for us.
It's so hard to have the faith you do when I feel like we always get pushed away. And that's why I admire how God is always present in your life.
(SORRY I HAD TO SPLIT IT INTO 2 COMMENTS IT WAS TOO LONG)
I agree with feeling alienated at church. Its often hard for young families to feel like they fit in because people do look at you funny and its almost as if they think less of you just because you are a young family with children. But all that matters is you have faith in yourself your family and God. :o)
Exactly!! I think all you can do is show that you are there for God and maybe they will learn from you and do the same!
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